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Why I Cried on my 30th Birthday


I still can’t believe it when I say my age out loud! 30! I honestly still cringe a little when I say it and when I even think about it and I am not sure why.

But I guess as I am writing this I will try to figure it out!

All my life I saw 30 as a breaking point, I guess it is a thought that a lot of people grow up having due to society standards.

I never put timelines in my life to be perfectly honest. Since I was little I knew that my number one goal in life was moving to New York and working in fashion, and I devoted most of my late teenage years and 20s in order to make that dream happen. There was truly nothing I wanted more in life, it was all I could think about.

I guess in the back of my head I thought about having money to eventually buy my own house or eventually I would meet the guy of my dream and get married, or one day I would commit my life to disciplined exercise and finally get the body that I always wanted. But I knew what my number one priority was and there was nothing that would keep my attention off that dream.

Along the way I felt the need to be able to give back to my community. Since I am not quite yet in that economic space where I can donate millions to education, the least I can do is create this platform in the two languages I know and share my experiences so that someone out there with the same dreams learn or take something, anything from it.

But back to my 30th birthday, that day I just felt a little empty, which sounds awful, I quite succeeded in the dream of working in fashion and here I was living in Manhattan and paying my own rent. The day I turn 30 I recently received my big promotion and was in a really good space. I also met the guy of my dreams and never felt so loved and full field in that aspect. But why was I crying then?

I guess that day I expected more of my group of friends, a lot of them didn’t show up or some showed up with a face because they had to get going soon or have to work the next day. And then it hit me: we are not in our 20s anymore! That was it, all of the birthdays and memories from my birthday were always big parties that I often didn’t even remember the end of the night. I was big on celebrations and friends and all of that and now that was over. 

I guess it is just an uncomfortable place where you feel older enough to don’t want to stay up till four in the morning but young enough to still want to feel that adrenaline rush were all your friends up for anything! 

I’m sure I will have maybe birthdays to celebrate and this was only a weird experience because I had so much expectations. 

I am really excited about growing with my partner and building our home together! It is such a fun time. I am also excited to continue working and learning and growing professionally and financially. And hopefully keep giving what I can to my community and generating content which hopefully someone out there will appreciate! I learned not to have too many expectations, it is ok to be a planner and dream of things, but I now know everything happens at its own pace and when YOU are ready to receive it.

For those turning 30th I would say don’t put so much expectations on yourself, everyone timings are different and I don’t think being in a specific stage of life means anything. Also, don’t think you are letting go of your fun days in life, you are never too old to celebrate life! Life is beautiful in any stage, enjoy every second of it and learn and make the most of the moment you are living. Nothing lasts forever but everything is an evolution, for the better. I am lucky to have a loving, supportive family, great friends, a loving boyfriend and the amazing opportunity to live the life I want doing something I love: working in Fashion in NYC.

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